The Worst Karaoke Singer In The History Of Karaoke

Have you ever sung karaoke and there was someone who sang the song out of key? Yeah, I know, I do that often. But have you ever had someone sing the lyrics out of time? Yeah, I've run into people doing that a few times. I have experienced one or the other. But never have I experienced a person with both disabilities. Until I was at Barry's house.

It was Barry's little bro's graduation party. There were family and friends around and plenty of good food to go around. Barry and I were singing some stupid love songs and this cat was just watching us. It looked like he had the itch to sing. And we didn't want to be "mic hogs" so we offered him a chance. I had no idea if he would blow us out of the water or what. So Barry hands him a mic and he picks the song Hotel California. I'm thinking in my head "Ok, that's a song that everyone knows and everyone in the house can sing along with. You can't go wrong." I think I deserve a bare ass pressed against my face for that thought.

So I start singing the song with this cat. I'm singing the verses and it sounds like I have an echo. Like a tone deaf echo. I'm pretty tone deaf myself but I freely admit it. So I'm singing the song and after 2 verses and 2 choruses I stop singing. I was a little bit pissed. And I wanted to hear this cat on his own. It sounded like he was reading. It was almost monotone. But the thing is, it's like he couldn't read fast enough. When the lyrics would get highlighted, he would "sing" it one second later. I mean, c'mon now. I gave him the dreaded stink eye for 3 reasons:

1) He "sang" out of tune
2) His timing was off
3) He picked a good song

Honestly, I wanted to give him a spinning roundhouse split kick to the hand holding the mic so it would fly off and land into Barry's hand. I always thought I was bad in karaoke but this cat took it to another level. Respect denied. Go suck off a horse.