Quote of the Week

Ted and Alonzo were chillin' in the hotel room after the wedding reception and Ted was just blasting all night. In the elevator, in the hallway, in the hotel room, you name it and he blasted there. Well, at the end of the night Ted let out this really long fart, maybe like 3.5 seconds long, and Alonzo turns to Ted and says "Whoa, that actually sounded like something was ripping. Like a piece of cloth or something. Is that why they say 'letting one rip' after they fart?" Hahahahahahaha.

YouTube Video of the Day: Peter Griffin speaking Italian.

This is another reason I want to grow a mustache. The other reason is so I can give free mustache rides.

Best time to improve your game this holloween.

On October 31st you get to be whomever you want. It's your chance to adopt a whole new personality.Embrace it!

Think beyond just wearing a costume, gothe whole nine yards and develop a complete personain your mind about your character. Really go in-depth with the process of developing your suave alter ego. Find your characters mannerisms, quirks,discover his accent, and take the time to flesh outhis back story. Throw your comfort zone out the window, because tonight, you aren't you. This is your chance to experiment, to do things you'd never do and wear items you'd never wear. Eyeliner, a bold hat, tighter pants, and flashier shoes are all itemsthat your character would wear on a daily basis.

When approaching, imagine how your character would act...he doesn't have any of your limiting beliefs.Don't just dress as Zorro, become Zorro; embody hisconfidence and his competence. Know that you (Zorro) can say and do anything. Practice and internalize what that feels like, so you can recallthose feelings again when you go out and meet a sexy new friend. After Halloween is over, put away the costume, but hold on to the attitude and confidence of your fun,alter ego. Be bold, and remember how your characteracted. Then, throughout the holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's celebrations, when you are in the field and you have a tinge of approach anxiety or can't imagine going for the kiss close, think to yourself "Well, what would my Halloween personality have done!" anddo it.

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"Girl-Friendly Costume" Recommendations
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Here is a quick list of costumes that fit perfectlythe advice found in this week's Weekend Wingman:

+ The roguish, never-takes-no-for-an-answer, pirate. Ladies love pirates!

+ 80's glam or hair metal rock star. Rock stars always attract tons of women!

+ And an ultra-male, slightly cocky, super hero. Bealpha, protect her from harm.

+ A giant teddy bear. The perfect costume to maximize your hugabilty rating.

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: The Wing Rules

Guys always talk about being a wing man or designating wings but how many of them actually have a structure or rule for it? My guess is not many of us have ever discussed it. Its like we have unspoken rules when you "wing" for your friends.

Well today I'm going to discuss some proper "Wing Man" Rules. These rules apply to both the WING and The Lead. It may differ from each set of friends you have, but the same model should always be used. Keep these in mind when ever you run game.

Wing Man Rules

1. Whoever see's the group and opens it up, gets first dibs on the target. This is were the "wing man" role is established.

2. The sole purpose of the wing is to help their lead get the target. Don't get distracted by all the other targets in the group. Your there for support. This takes priority above all else. If you find a target you like thats cool, but thats not why your there. Your there to help. Oh did I mention your there to HELP!! Dont forget!!! Most wings forget this once they see a target.

3. Never ever steal the target. Most of the time you will know who the target is because the lead will be ignoring or throwing negs at them. This would be easy for you to come in and give the girl some love, but dont!!! Dont be a douche. Remember why your there!

4. The Wing should run distraction on the group. This is to ensure the lead can get some alone time with the target. Do what you can to occupy the group until the lead has gotten what he needs.

5. Always agree with your Wing/Lead. Never take the girls side. Your wing/lead is always right. Dont lower your value and theirs.

6. Your wings feelings/values are important to you. This is a must. Your wings values/feelings are more important to you, more so than the girl. Always acknowledge and introduce your wing properly(proper introductions). Dont ever disrespect or make your wing/lead look bad. This will lower your value to the group!! Your suppose to help build each other up!!

7. Never Leave anyone Behind! A golden rule that applies to every situation in the nightlife. Don't leave anyone behind is even used in the military. Know when to bail out of a situation when it starts to go sour. Dont let your pride get into your judgement. Know when to leave and make sure you leave with EVERYONE!

Those are some of the basics for Winging. If you have anymore suggestions that need to be added to the list then please feel free to add. Do Work!!!

FunnyOrDie! Video of the Day: "Don't" PSA

This will only make sense if you've seen the "Don't Vote" PSA.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

HOW TO SHUTDOWN A GIRL ASKING YOU TO BUY HER A DRINK.

Another night in downtown! to make a long story short, we were at club "under" and after a couple of hours socializing with a bunch of drunk people, this girl wearing a leopard dress turns to me and ask me "how bout you buy me a drink?".. So I turn to her, looked at her straight in the eye and asked her "Do you know what a sucka is?".."Yes" she replies. "Do I look like one to you?"...after I said that she pushes me away and went to look for another idiot which eventually she finds.

the look in her face was priceless!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Ewwww, Don't eat that!!!

So, I was up in Vegas the past couple of days just chilling and celebrating my dads B-day. I drove up all the way up there right after the Chargers game Sunday night and didnt get there til about 230am. Checked in to the Rio hotel and went to town at the casino. By the time I looked at my clock it was 11am. So I was pretty much awake for 28+ hours. My pops wanted to go visit some family friends that live in North Vegas so we headed off. By this time I was dead tired and by the time we got to their house I got in said, "Hi." and then went straight to sleep on their couch. I woke up cause somebody came in and turned on the T.V. It was our family friends'little daughter and she was about 12 years old. She turns to look @ me, I guess to see if she had woken me up. So, I pretended to still be sleeping. So she turns back to the T.V. and starts digging for gold AKA picking her nose. Now, there's nothing wrong with picking your nose. Cause to be honest sometimes you just gotta go to town and get that shit out. But what followed made me cringe in disgust. She picked, found gold and then proceded to put said gold in her mouth?!? Not once, not twice, not three times but so many times that I could not count!!! After this display of grossness she turns to get a look out on me, and see if i had witnessed this atrocity. As she turned, I again pretended to be asleep and in turn pretended that I had not seen what had happened. Now! I ask, why is it that she's the one eating the boogers and yet I'm the one having to hide and I'm the one feeling awkward and having an awkward moment of the day?!? hahahaha

Kris Dielman...

... knows how to Shock 'Em!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Gameday Edition....AGAIN!!!!!

Once again, I will explain how a high-5 works. One person stick their hand in the air with an open palm while the other person does the same. The hands make a swift motion coming together to meet and it makes a slap sound. And that's it. High-5 over. Done.

Yesterday at the game, after the Chargers scored their first touchdown Ted, Damon, and Roel all celebrated giving high-5's to each other. So the guy standing next to Ted has no one to give a high-5 to so he taps on Ted's shoulder calling for the high-5. Ted reluctantly gives the guy a high-5 and what does he do? He hits Ted's palm and decides to clasp his fingers around Ted's hand after the open palm slap. That's not how a high-5 works.

And also after the game some random drunk dude decided to give Wilfredo a hug from behind and talk about how epic of a win that was. So Ted and Damon see this and start to book so that guy wouldn't approach them. But the guy was quick and eventually caught up to Ted and tried to hug him but Ted maneuvered his way out of it and just ended up giving him a fist pound. Man love DENIED!!!!

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Throwing out the Opener

This is a very crucial moment when your out and about. The first thing you say could make or break you? You dont want to fuck up by saying the same lame ass shit as every other person does while there out.

Opener usually a is typically question that requires more than a yes or no response. The object to is get the target to keep chatting with you so you can start a conversation. Raul has alot of these. He is textbook when it comes to these questions like:

1. Ay..who has more fun blondes or brunette?
2. I was wondering if you could help me figure something out. Me and a buddy of mine are trying to name all the 5 major oceans in the world. I can only name 4, do you know them?
3. My friend has been going out with a girl for about three months and they get along really well, they love each other heaps, but her cat hates him. Like whenever he tries to pet it, it will just look at him like he's an idiot and walk off and one time he left his shoes by the door and it pissed on them. What do you think he should do? ...
4. Hey guys, quick question...Who lies more...men or women?
5. This one is my favorate and actually is kinda witty:

You: Did you know that 93% of girls masturbate in the shower?
Her: No
You: The other 7% sing
Her: Oh yeah?
You: And do you know what they sing?
Her: No, what?
You: Oh you must be one of the girls that masturbates then.
Her: HAHAHA


Those are some of the random openers you can find online. Just go ahead and google them.

Or you can do tricks or gimmicks to open.

The lint ball on her clothes

You have to actually have some lint in your pocket. You see a girl. Take the lint out and hide it in the middle of your fingers. Approach the girl and pretend your taking off her clothing. Usually they'll say thanks. When they do. You hit em with a neg(discuss that later on). This opens up conversation because you just did something beneficial for them.

Be creative! Dont be a loser by saying the usual "whats going on? Hows your night?" Boring shit like that. Be interesting and fun. They love that.

First impressions count! A LOT!!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Celebrity Edition

So last night at Aubergines, there was billed to be some Celebrity Guest. Well, it turns out that it was Shia LeBouf, of Transformers fame. But anyways, before the event got crackin' Ted was chillin' in the front part/smoking section of Aubergines scopin' out the crowd. When Ted realized that there's nothin' good out there, he decided to head back inside. As he passed in between a crowd of people talking, one of the dudes wearing a scrubby ass blue Dodgers sweater decided to spit to his side without looking. It flew about 3 inches away Ted's torso before partially hitting someone else.

Ted: "Whoooaa whoa wh-whoa...." (immediately looks at the guy)

Guy: (Doesn't say a word but pats Ted on the shoulder)

Ted: (Walks through and pats him on the shoulder as well)

The guy who spit was Shia LeBouf.

Hahahahahaha.

In N Out

In-n-Outʼs 60th Year Anniversary is Wednesday, October 22nd. All hamburgers will be sold for 25 cents, Cheeseburgers 30 cents, Fries 15 cents, and drinks are 10 cents!!! So mark your calendars!

Quote of the Week

"He's not as heavy as he looks!" - 'Ray', after lifting 'Ted' to do a kegstand.

So the guys were egging "Ted" to do a kegstand this weekend. Ted has never done a kegstand in his life for 2 reasons. 1) he's pretty damn heavy 2) he doesn't drink that much. But things were feeling good so Ted decided to go and do it. And then "Ray" starts to stretch and everyone's all wondering why he's stretching. It ain't no easy task to carry Ted. But it turned out easier than expected. Hahahaha.

YouTube Video of the Day: Train Like LT w/Kimbo Slice

This is some of the funniest shit. Never thought I'd see LaDanian Tomlinson and Kimbo together. HAHAHA. Check it out on YouTube. There's a whole series of Videos.

and another

Top Ten List: Hottest Chicks right now.

I did this same list a couple of months back and I wanted to revise. The only thing is that I'm gonna break it down to 5. I know, I know, it says Top Ten List. But Fuck it! It's my list and I'll do what I want. Ok. Enough talk. On with the show.

5. Jessica Alba

I had to bump her down the list. I hate to say it but I think Jessica Alba has passed her prime. It's kinda like watching Michael Jordan playing for the Washington Wizards. You know it's him but something was just not right. Same thing applies for Ms. Alba. Especially after she got knocked up. There's a certain kinda fantasy that's ruined after knowing a chick's been impregnated. On the bright side of things (and the only reason she's still on the list), at least you know she's down to fuck. BUT more importantly now you know she's down to let a mother-fucker cum inside of her.


4. Arianny Celeste

You may not know who this chick is, if you dont watch the UFC. But since I do... here she is. She is one of the ring girls that walks around in between rounds. The weird thing about this chick is everytime I see her on TV she looks hotter than the last time.



3. Kristen Bell

She's on one of my favorite TV shows right now. Heroes. She's also in one of my favorite movies right now. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And to be honest... I am a man of extremes. I either want a chick that's super tall with long ass legs to wrap around my head. Or, I want a hot, petite, bangin-ass, firecracker of chick wrapped up in a little package. One or the other. No in betweens.


2. Marisa Miller

Yes, Marisa Miller moves up a spot. You gotta love a petite blond chick with a huge rack! Might I add that they are real!! She was a Perfect10 model. So, that means that they have to be real. Oh, and here's the one picture that made me buy an Ipod. HaHaHa


1. Megan Fox
#1 has not changed. For good reason. Nothing more I can explain that the pictures don't.




The only knock on this chick is that she's dating Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame. WEAK!

Honorable Mention: To be quite honest I'm just gonna say it cause no one else will. I'm creating a Hottest politician category and the winner is.....
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Governor Sarah Palin.


Ok. There's the list. Hope you enjoyed. feel free to comment or post your list/s. Cause we all know that this list and all others like it are subjective and everyone has their own personal likes/dislikes and their own personal taste. The only difference is that my taste is better than yours!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

Check this out!

WOW. MEGAN. WOW.