Monday, June 30, 2008

Quote of the Week: Proverbs

"Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice.....f*ck you mutha f*ckaaaa!!!!!" -Ted

This was said in the hotel room in Vegas. Drunken stupors make us forget why we say things. I can't even remember the conversation as to why this was even said....but it's funny.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Moments with "Roel"

****DISCLAIMER****
The contents of this story may or may not have happened the way it is written here. But it did happen.


So the guys were at Roel's house last night and Barry wanted to show Ted some evidence that one of our "associates" is really a homosexual. So we're looking through the evidence and Ted confirms the fact that he is batting for the other team. Roel says "I don't want to see anything I don't need to see." Barry says not to worry. Barry and Ted are side by side skimming through the evidence and Roel is behind the two of them. All of a sudden, a piece of evidence is uncovered that we did not need to see.

Ted: "Oh snap, it's a dong!!!!!!!!"
(Barry does his best to quickly discard of that evidence)
Roel: (Roel turns to the face evidence) "Where!?!?!?!"

********************************************************

Now why would someone in their right mind turn around all quick when they hear the word "dong"? It seemed like he was curious and eager to see it. Could the facts about Roel be uncovering as well? He's been slippin' as of late....

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bump N' Grind?

I was just impressed that she picked this song. You know she's down for the dirtyness if she plays this kind of music. Hahahaha. Regardless of the notion that she's a pretty girl, she's got some piano skills.

Quote of the Week: Flashback

"Man, I'm sweating like a f@ggot!"

It was about 6 years ago and The Wrong Fiasco took a break from rehearsal. We practiced in my garage and it was always hot and stuffy in there since there were no windows and we kept all the doors shut so the sound wouldn't travel. It was probably around June/July and the temperatures were in the 90's. We went outside for the typical smoke break (me and Fonso didn't smoke but chilled outside) and all of us were pretty sweaty. And then out of the blue, Richard says "Man, I'm sweating like a f@ggot!". Hahahahaha. All of us laughed at how absurd that statement was. The irony in that statement was when we hit puberty, I really thought Richard was batting for the other team. He still woulda been my friend regardless, but it's just funny.

But really, what is the difference between sweating like a regular dude and sweating like a f@ggot? I think it's similar to the saying "Man, I'm sweating like a pig." Are pigs known to sweat? I dunno but I think pigs are just dirty animals (e.g. playing in the mud) and the feeling of sweating makes people feel dirty and then they relate it to the pig. I think the correlation to the f@ggot is that society views them are wrong or bad. So when someone says "Man, I sweating like a f@ggot!" it relates to sweating non-stop and you can't help it. It's just happening, kinda like a f@ggot is a f@ggot regardless of what they try to do. Don't fight it, accept it. And obviously, Richard accepted his fate. Respect.

Countdown in History: #1 The Hippie Era

#1 The Hippie Era 1960-1969

Love and peace was the general message during the 60's which included the use of cannibus and LSD to enchance the mind. I think it was because of that, a lot of the hippies were uninhibited in their "practices". Oh to be a dirt bag hippie in this era would have been the BOMB!!!

I would have loved to be part of the Summer of Love in 1967. It was a gathering of 100,000 young people in San Francisco. During the rally they offered free drugs, free food, and of course "free love". Do you know what that means....it was literally a massive orgy of 100,00 people!! Oh the dirtyness that I would have participated in...mmmm...

Then there was Woodstock in August of 69. Shit, that was an even bigger orgy fest consisting of over 500,000 people that gathered in Bethel, New York to hear some musical greats of that era. Free love and music...what a great mixture for dirtyness. It lasted for 4 days. Imagine 4 days of non stop swaping of partners...thats just heavenly.

The main reason for this period making my top, other than the free love, is that it's the only time in history were we as Asian men had a greater chance with white women....Yeah I said it...Think about it? This was an even playing field for us. We could actually hook up with a white girl with ease...haha all we had to do was be a hippie....We could do what the white man have been doing to our asian women all these years. Taking our spoils, its only fair we do the same to them. Take me back to the 60's man............

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Terminology 101: Strawberry Shortcake

Strawberry Shortcake [strô'běr'ē shôrt'kāk']

1. action in which the male ejaculates on his partner's face, and then the male punches his partner's nose, which causes blood to stream forth. The semen and blood fluids create a red and white image, just like the icing and filling of a strawberry shortcake.
I just gave my girlfriend a strawberry shortcake.

Not to be confused with:

2. typically made with flour, sugar, baking powder or soda, salt, butter, milk or cream, and sometimes eggs. After you mix and bake, put whipped cream, strawberries, and sugar.
I want some strawberry shortcake!

3. Popular cartoon character started in 1980 as postcards, then toys, cartoons, food, etc. Returned in 1991, then 2002-present.
I remember watching Strawberry Shortcake back in the 80's...

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Terminology 101: Alaskan Pipeline

Alaskan Pipeline [ə-lās'kən pīp'līn']
-noun

1. the act of pooping in to a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then using it as a dildo on your sexual partner.

honey, you know i had thai food last night. are you still down for this alaskan pipeline?

Terminology 101: Finaggle

Term: Finaggle
Pronunciation: \ˈfin-ˈa-gəl\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s):fin-aggled, fin-aggling
Etymology: slang
Date: 21st century

1: to find someway, somewhow to get something accomplished.
Damon was able to finaggle his way to Sin City with us even though it was his girl's birthday.

2: to get tricked
The boys finaggled me into thinking Mr. Dirty was part of the V Squad.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

For a few inches more?

What would you do for a few more inches? I'm talkin' about height, not something else. Hahahaha. I recently came across this article about a "method" to make people taller. I saw a special on the Discover channel or TLC a few years back but I thought it was one of those radical, once in a lifetime deals. On the show was a girl who desperately wanted to be taller and the only method was the what this article talks about.

http://men.style.com/details/features/landing?id=content_6838

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Terminology 101: Yuckin' It Up

Term: Yuckin' It Up
Pronunciation: \ˈyək-ˈin\ˈit\ˈəp\
Function: phrase
Etymology: slang
Date: 21st century

1: Having a jolly good time regardless of the situation, the activity or the location.
We were chillin' in the park, just waiting for the sun to go down. It was me, Tyronne, and the homies just "yuckin' it up" last Sunday afternoon.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Phrase of the Day: Birmingham Booty Call

Birmingham booty call

Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.

Joel's Rants and Raves: Zeitgeist

Dear Readers,

I've been talking about this for a long time now. I was led to this site by DNJ (DatNiggaJay) So, if you want to know what it's all about, here it is:

Zeitgeist Movie

It's about 2 hours so watch it if you have some time on your hands. It'll change your views, thoughts and your life and it will simply make you question everything that ever was. Enjoy!

Love,
Joel

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Countdown in History: #2 Jesus Christ

2. Jesus Christ 7–2 BC/BCE to 26–36 AD/CE

Who wouldn't want to know if the the new testament was true or was it the greatest story ever told? I sure as hell want to know.

We are literally taking about the most significant man/god figure in our times period. There is no denying or argueing it. Jesus Christ is a mystery that continue's to strike debates over and over again. Was he a man or was he a God? I'd like to be there so I can see it all with my own two eyes.

I actually dont have a dirty want for putting this in my top 5 times in history, I'm just curious. I probably wouldn't mind humping some women in this era, but I'd rather not since it would be in a hot ass desert and I hate the dessert. Too hot and sweaty and that is always a recipe for disaster in the genital regions...hahaha.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I haven't posted in awhile...so...i figured id take up space with this.

DYSMD Official
Launch Party!




Thur July 3rd,DYSMD assembled SD's HOTTEST promoters to throw the BIGGEST launch PARTY to ever hit BELO!

Photobucket



Friday, June 13, 2008

SPA: The One Month Rule

*********DISCLAIMER. Seriously. Do not take this seriously.************

Southside
Predators
Annonymous

There comes a time in our lives when we encounter a PYT and we don't calculate or properly guesstimate her age range. Some people don't exactly look their age so it's no surprise that so many people get tricked. Do some detective work and inquire from the actual source. It's okay to talk to her. Just go right up there and start chattin' it up. If at anytime during the conversation that the topic of age comes up and you find out that she is below the legal age of consent, you must immediately think of an exit strategy. Unless, you find out some valuable information.....


Example
(*walks up to girl in restaurant*)
Ted: "You know, I'm not too big on sushi but my friends are always hyping it up."
Helen: "What? So you've never had it before?"
Ted: "Not really. What do you recommend for a sushi "virgin"?"

(*laughter ensues*)

Helen: "You should try these caterpillar rolls. They're my fav."
Ted: "Oh ok. What kind of beer would be good with that?"
Helen: "Ummmm....I dunno. I'm only 17."

(*Ted begins to pad his pant legs as if looking for something*)

Ted: "You know what, I think I left my wallet in my car. Let me go....."
(*Helen interrupts mid-sentence*)
Helen: "....but I turn 18 next month!!!!"
(*Ted reaches in back pocket*)
Ted: "Here's my wallet! Silly me. So tell me more about yourself..."


This is an example (NOT a true story) where it is okay to continue having a conversation. Just that, a conversation and nothing more. Don't push your luck by trying to get her number. If she happens to give it you on her own, by all means take it.

Remember, some states have different ages of consent. Do your research before doing any field work. Good luck. Hahahahaha.

A Typical Night @ "ROEL'S"

The mood is set with the NBA Finals Game 4. I head over to ROELS house and he answer's the door with his dirty ass mustache. I'm loving it because I want one..haha. I call up Mr. Dirty to rendezvous with us and he brings a surprise...Michelada's...hmmm..pool side memories from arizona. So were chillin and watching the game for a bit, then all of a sudden Roel tells us he wants to show us something. It better not be what I think it is..lol. We head to the garage and see a futon! It's his little entertainment area. We start conversating with all sorts of topics from seeing Ernie at his worst, to the Big A's and Big C's, to Domingo's rise to fame, and the most magical sound in the world; the sound that soothe's a raging mans soul. So were yucking it up and I dont know how it starts but Mr. Cocky enters the conversation. Mr. Dirty enlightens us about Mr. Cocky and why he is dubbed with that name. Roel explains to Dirty that he doesnt come off like that to him because & I quote: "he knows that I'de beat that ass!" I look at Mr. Dirty and he starts giving that virgin smile of his. I'm giggling like a school girl already becuase Roel says it twice in an Afro-American voice "yeahhh I'de beat that ass!" Mr. Dirty tells Roel that what he's really saying is that he would fuck mr. cocky. What he should say is "he knows not to get cocky around me because I would beat his Ass!" not "I'de beat that ass" HAHA...Roel realizes his mistake and tries to explain himself, but its too late. The damage has been done. The quote has been memorized and the blog is up. Hahaha

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Bloodsport



I was watching TV the other night and flipping through the channels when I stumbled upon one of my all time favorite movies. It was already near the end but I decided to watch it anyways. It was the part when Chong Li kills the dude he was fighting and everyone stops to pay their respects but Chong Li just walks away. But yeah, at the very end of the movie they list Frank Dux's "world records". I can't really remember what records were on but I think it was fastest knockout, fastest punch without a knockout, fastest kick without a knockout, and most knockouts in a tournament??? What the hell kind of "world records" are those?

Regardless, this is still one of my favorite movies EVER!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

HTC

My shirt looks better on her....

Countdown in History: #3 The Wild Wild West

3. The American Wild West 1865-1889

Home, home at our school
Where the Swiss steak makes everyone drool
Where dissecting mice can be awfully nice
Oh, Bayside, I think you're a jewel

An ode to Home on the Range by Screech Powers....lol....The wild wild west........Yeehaw!!!!! Them some rowdy sons of bitches....Whats not to love about this time? You had the birth of a brand new nation expanding west ward bound. This was a journey were you could literally stake land and claim it yours. Also this gave rise to many of the western cities now a days like hot ass Pheonix aka Franix, AZ. Who in the hell would want to start a city in the hot ass dessert? A lot of in breeding going on there...haha j/k...

The wild west wouldn't be wild without them Cowboys robbin and stealing from the good ol folk of righteous citizens. These were the first gangs in the united states. A brotherhood of men coming together out of lazyness...Think about it? Instead of working like everyone else, they said fuck it!!!! I'll just rob the people who work for a living instead of working myself. Brilliant!!!! The fact that you could settle disputes with gun fights was insane. It was legal to kill someone as long as it was a fair gun fight. Thats nuts!!!

The west has some great historical figures that have been reproduced by hollywood movies like Tombstone. From my opinion, probably one of the best western films in our generation. Check out the trailer:




The west had all sorts of characters like Wyatt Erp,Wild Bill, Calamity Jane, Jesse James, Chief Big Foot & Sitting Bull, and one favorates Doc Holliday:


In this era you would stop in any city and more likely next to the saloon would be your convenient and friendly neighborhood whore house. They were the 7-11 of the wild west. You know you would see one every city. Anyone that was anyone had to be hanging there. It was like the nightclub scene back then except you know you were going to get some that night no matter what....even if you had to pay for it...LOL Thats when you can really have a "Dudes night out" properly, not like this:


You could be a badass and have everything you wanted with your pistol. Bitchess love that..and if you were just a regular joe then just walk over to your friendly neighborhood whore house. Excellent!!! Who wants to roll out to the wild west with me to hit up the 7-11's??? HAHA

Monday, June 9, 2008

Countdown in History: #4 The Renaissance

Sometimes reffered to as the age of enlightenment. This was a great time in history to be an artist or an intellect. You were considered to be a celebrity in those times. How cool is that? These days artist and intellects aren't treated that way. Instead, their accomplishments and contributions have been muffled down in the media. They aren't recognized properly. Back then they were wildly revered. Some of the greatest masterpieces came from this period.



My favorate artist in this period would probably be Michelangelo. He was a great sculptor first and foremost, but was also a master of architect and painting. This was a man with many talents. A Natural Wonder.



Can you imagine how long this shit took? To get this kind of complexity using your bare hands. Thats some pimp shit. I'm sure he got mad snatch for his artistic prowless.

It would have been tight to have witnessed all that going on. A society that encouraged art, sciences, and the improvement of man itself. It truelly was the Age on Enlightenment.

Women in this time were trained to be housewives. I mean trained since childhood. Cook, Clean, Serve, etc...All the good shit that women these days lost. Being obedient to the head of the household instead of this "i'm independent" shit mentality. I'm not saying that in a mean way, but women knew their place. You can still have that education and all that girl power crap, but dont forget about yo man!!! I like that traditional role. Marriages had a great synergy during those times because the women knew their role and so did the man. The man was expected to be educated and to be able to provide for the family. These values were instilled to each man as they came into there own. I think since these core values were upheld and practiced this lead the society as a whole to the great period of enlightenment. Just imagine a society in harmony and content with the social structure. Imagine trying to duplicate that this day in age. Maybe some peace and harmony can be an outcome. Who knows?

Terminology 101: Rolling Balls

Term: Rolling Balls
Pronunciation: \ˈrōl-iŋ\ˈbȯlz\
Function: verb
Etymology: slang
Date: 21st century

1: The term, first introduced to us by Paul Fierce, used to describe the feeling of being under the influence of a "certain substance". Apparently very popular in the raving community.
Man, I was rolling balls when I was dancing with that one chick last night.

2: Executing the motion as you would do with Chinese Meditation Balls but without them.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Countdown in History: #5 The Victorian Era

Have you ever seen this movie called "High Fidelity" w/ John Cusak and Jack Black? In the movie they have a scene were they ask each other "name your top 5 musical era's you would have liked to live in & why?" This sparked my interest for a bit and it had me thinking about history itself. My imagination started running wild and started thinking about my "top 5". Then it dawned on me to write this blog about my top 5 time periods that I personally would have loved to lived in. I will be writting this blog in 5 separate post because its a lot of info. So here we go:

5. The Victorian Era 1837-1901

The first thing that comes to mind when people think about this period is all the crazy outfits of this era. Here is an example:


What do you know about dudes wearing crazy ass wigs and girls dresses that pushed up their breast to make you wonder if that shit was real?? This is before they had Victoria Secret.

The one thing that I loved about this era was the literal giants that poured out masterpieces like the Bronte sisters, Oscar Wilde, Rudyard Kipling, Robert Luis Stevenson, Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe, and Charles Dickens to name a few. You might not know off the bat what those people contributed, but I'm sure you've seen movie's made from their works.

The Industrial Revolution was in full swing also while Charles Darwin publishes his evolution theory and Jack the Ripper strikes in London. A lot of crazy shit happened here!!

To be honest why this made it in my top 5, is because this time period was a fun time if you were a man. There were more women than men around that era. You know what that means right? Men were a prized commodity. Basic supply and demand. Plus the social standards was totally in our favor. Women were raised and disciplened to be virgins for thier future husbands. It was expected of them, so this meant fresh meat for the husband...haha. Not only was this good, but as a man you were suppose to have knowledge of bedroom manners in order to keep your wife happy. But how are you suppose to learn when pre-marital sex was heavily frowned on and enforced on the women? Only one answer......Prostitution...AHAHA The great thing about it was that it was normal and acceptable. Since there was an abundance of unmarried women due to the ratio, how else does single woman survive? Prostitution...In this era Prostitution flurished and was a norm in the society. Oh to be in the Victorian Era....AHAHA....

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Back Of The Head

I recently got invited to join the group "I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Back Of The Head". I thought it was an interesting concept. I have never had that desire but the next time I walk behind someone slow, I will think about it. Usually I think about finding a way to get in front of this person and then slow down myself so they know how it feels to be walking behind a slow person. Sometimes people don't know what it's like and are oblivious to other people's feelings until it happens to them and then they realize the error in their ways. Other people never realize their errors and continue to do so. That is the kind of person I will think about punching in the back of the head or even just a simple chop block to the back of the knees or the side of their ankle when they're not looking. Thanks and have a nice day.

Top Ten List: Hottest Chicks Right Now

OK. I recently saw the Maxim Hot 100 on T.V. and I totally disagreed with some of those picks. Cause there are alot of ugly bitches on their list it's like a who's who of crackheaded Hollywood stars (i.e. train wrecks like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Ashley Olsen, Mena Suvari, Drew Barrymore etc, etc) So, I figured I'd make my own list and give my own insight on chicks I think are hot.

10. Eva Longoria

I just realized that there's a pornstar named Lela Starr who looks just like Eva. hahaha. I really like pettite hot chicks. She's like 5'2" 115lbs. Cause I feel like if I got her in bed that I would totally destroy her. But the real reason she's on this list is cause...she's a SPURS FAN!!! hahaha

She's from San Antonio and to prove how much of a fan she is, she's married to/ fucking Spurs PG Tony Parker. Now that's a real fan!

9. Kendra Wilkinson

She's a playboy playmate, shes a ghetto white girl, she has fake titties and shes a big Chargers fan. All qualities I like in a girl. HAHAHA. I saw her at an event in downtown and she was the host. She was pounding Patron straight outta the bottle and walking around in the crowd, taking pictures, talking with and dancing with the fans. She just seemed really fucking crazy and really fucking cool.

8. Alicia Keys

I'm not really into black chicks but Alicia Keys is HOT! and really HOTness is HOTness, regardless. I'll be honest... I like that thickness. There's such a thing as BAD thickness and GOOD thickness and Alicia Keys has got the GOOD thickness. Plus, shes got a great voice and that in itself is hot.

7. Maria Sharapova

I'll admit it. I like watching her play on T.V. cause she always grunts when she hits the ball. I also love those little tennis skirts. Just like how I love it when Spring first comes around and all the girls start wearing all those little skirts. But with Maria she's ALWAYS wearing those little skirts. Like so...

HAHAHA!!!!!!!!

6. Stacy Keibler

If you havent noticed I am a big fan of LEGS. and Stacy Keibler is pretty much all legs. Before she was on Dancing with the stars, she was on WWE and WCW. So, the hotness has always been there. I really dont know what else to say about her and her legs. So...



5. Danneel Harris

You might be wondering who this chick is cause I was wondering the same. Well...she's the hot, weed smoking ex-girlfriend of Kumar in the movie Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The real reason she's on this list is cause she a hot red-head and I've always wanted to know... Does the carpet match the curtains??? and if so, can she please shape it into a heart. hahahhaa

4. Kristen Bell

Ah, Sarah Marshall you're not so easy to forget. She's got the hot blonde girl next door look going for her. Besides being in one of the funniest movies this year I hear she's also on the show Heroes as a hot villian. So shes kinda got a nerdy, hot girl kinda vibe to her. Which I am totally into.

3. Marisa Miller

On Maxim's 100 she was ranked #1 and I totally agree that she's one of the hottest just look @ that pic of her. I've never wanted an IPod more. She was a Perfect 10 model before she got into SI and Victoria's Secret so you know those big ass titties are real. I personally am a big fan of top heavy girls and the fact that she's
au naturale and just looks like a normal chick is really hot to me.

2. Jessica Alba

I know what you are thinking... C'mon Joel, she's pregnant and unless you're into pregnant chicks (like this guy I know named "Barry") then thats kinda gross. Allow me to explain. So she's pregnant. All that means to me is that, 1. now you know she's down to fuck. and 2. now you know she's down to let a mother-fucker cumm inside of her. Need I explain anymore. Thank You.
-as a sidenote: If she wasn't pregnant she for sure woulda been #1. So get back to me in 6-8 months when the baby fat goes away.

1. Megan Fox

I love the dark hair with the deep blue eyes. That's just so hot!!! Ok so she's only been in one movie, being Transformers. But who cares!!! She's smoking hot! I usually dont like to read when I can look @ pictures but I read her article when she was on the cover of Maxim and she's a total badass! She's all tattoed up, she cusses like a sailor, she smokes weed and in her own words, "really enjoys having sex." That's super HOT! but I'll let the pics do the talking:



Nothing more I can explain that the pictures don't.

Hope you enjoyed the list. And I know that I somehow missed some really hot chicks. so...If you have any comments, suggestions or even your own list let's see it. Comment back! Lates.

Low Back Pain

That's a dance moved trademarked by Urban Tea from www.clubbintechniques101.com. He's got plenty of other moves so be sure to go and give that a look. Thanks Vanessa for introducing me to it.

But anyways, I actually have low back pain. I think I threw out my back from bowling. Last night during the 2nd game, I picked up my ball from the rack and turned to step in my spot on the lane and then felt some excruciating pain. It was so painful that I had to sit down for a moment and collect myself. I have a 5 step drop in my throw. The 5th step is the kick out. So I guess it's really a 4 step drop. But when I went to chuck the ball, I just took a 3 step drop and just let it roll. It felt like a muscle cramp but in my entire back. Not good.

I think we bowled a total of 8 games last night. We had 3 for league play and then another 5 just for the hell of it. So imagine bowling with a tight back for another 5 games. I was having so much fun that I could forget about the pain. But when I got home, that was a different story. Who says bowling isn't a sport?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Terminology 101: Baby Yogurt

Term: Baby Yogurt
Pronunciation: \ˈbā-bē\ˈyō-gərt\
Function: (1)noun, (2)verb
Inflected Form: baby yogurt-ed
Etymology: slang
Date: 21st century

1: a semi-transparent, viscous fluid resembling the texture of yogurt, spewed from the loins of a man.
Damn girl, you want some of my baby yogurt?

2: the act of unleashing a semi-transparent, viscous fluid.
My man baby yogurted his pants before we even got to the bedroom

Monday, June 2, 2008

Drago "Barry" Blanks of Tae Bo fame

Jose Luis "Roel" Duncan

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Updates: Sexy Funk pix

I changed the layout a little bit. I added a little slideshow on the side. The contents of that slideshow will be altered when I get a chance. And I uploaded the pix from Sexy Funk @ Sin