Seperated at Birth #3

Will Smith and Robert Horry

Seperated at Birth #2

Tracy Morgan and Andrew Bynum

Seperated at Birth #1

Mike Bibby and Mini-Me

Scary Moments #2: Drifting

Isn't it scary when...

...you're driving and you're really effin tired and you're doing everything you can to stay awake. You try opening all the windows. You try blasting the radio. You try turning on the heater full blast. You try turning on the AC full blast. You slap your face. You punch yourself in the nuts. But none of those things help.

The worst part is when you blink really hard and when you open your eyes, you've drifted over a lane or two.

Not that this has ever happened to me. I'm just sayin'...

Scary Moments #1: Rising Waters

Isn't it scary when...

...you flush the toilet after going number poo and the water just keeps on rising. It's even scarier when you do this and it's not your house.

There is no worse feeling than walking into your very own bathroom and seeing a log on the ground. A log that came from someone else.

Not that this has ever happened to me. I'm just sayin'...

Quote of the Week: Big Sausage Pizza

"I don't want your sauce......I just want your sausage!"

So Ted, Wilfredo, Robert, and Tate decided to hit up this joint in North Park called Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria. Wilfredo was the only one who's been there so he wanted us to taste the goodness that he experienced.

So when the pizza came, a big sausage pizza might I add, they all grabbed slices. There was alot of cheese and a grip of tomato sauce. So Wilfredo is not diggin' the amount of sauce on his pizza so he asks Robert "Do you want my sauce?". Robert replies "I don't want your sauce......I just want your sausage!"

Ted quickly puts down his pizza and stares at Robert. The stink eye, death stare. Robert has a confused look on his face and says "What?". Ted whispers "Quote of the week...."

Quote of the Week: Bathroom Edition

"I sat down.....just in case"

So Ted was chillin' in the hotel room with the fellas. There was about 10 of them all there. Ted really needed to go number poo but people were takin' showers and gettin' ready so the bathrooms were occupied. So Ted decided to go down to the lobby and use the bathroom there. Damon also needed to drop a dizzle deuce so he decides to roll, thinking that the lobby has multiple stalls. Well, JD said he really needed to piss also, so he came along for the trip.

Upon entering the lobby Ted and Damon remember that Pritchard and Benn went down to get breakfast so they went to look for them. JD went ahead straight to the pissser. Or so we thought. Ted and Damon couldn't find Pritchard and Ben so they make a b-line for the shitter. Right when they walked into the bathroom, they saw 1 stall and 1 urinal. JD walked in a few moments before them but the urinal was still free. The door to the stall was locked though.

"JD?"

"What?"

"I thought you said you only needed to piss?"

"I did. But I sat down....just in case."

So Ted and Damon start crackin' up. Who does that? Besides women. Sitting down to pee? Just in case? Hahahahahahahaha.

Awkward Moment of the Day: Hotel Room Edition

So there were about 10 of the fellas just chillin' in a hotel room. It might have been early morning because alot of people were still sleeping. Some of the guys just got out of the shower or just finished brushing their teeth and what not and Ted was just chillin' at the table lookin' at random shiite on his laptop. JD just happened to be posted up a few feet away from Ted. He was watching TV and slappin' some lotion on his scaly ass hands. One of the guys walks into the room and asked whoever was awake if they wanted a beer. A few of the guys called for one.

So beers are being tossed back at what seems like 7am. No one was really paying attention to the time. But JD was sittin' on the edge of the bed and he's crackin' open his beer when all of a sudden he goes into panic mode. You know, when someone does something stupid and tries to play it off like nothing happened....those are the funniest moments.

JD is looking around the hotel room and the only person awake that was in front of him was Ted and he was already wide eyed and pointing at JD and holding in his laugh until JD made eye contact with him.

He tried to open his beer and as he cracked open the top, the beer slipped through his fingers and spilled onto the bed. And he tried to pick it up as fast as possible and when he did, he looked left, right, and behind him until he noticed Ted sitting a few feet in front of him looking directly into his eyes with the "you're a mutha f*ckin' dumbass" look. JD immediately tried to explain the situation but there was no explanation needed. It's 7am. You just put lotion(or lube) all over your hands. You're drinking a beer. You spilled it. You tried to hide it. It's all over the bed. You got caught. Hahahahahaha.

Beer + Lotion = FAIL!!!!!!!!

Quote of the Week: Big Boy Edition

"I wonder if they serve cow cock? With hot sauce."

So once again it was Ted, Roel, Damon, and JD cruising along when they spotted a Bob's Big Boy Restaurant. Ted said that he's never eaten there before and asked if anyone else has. Damon responds saying he has and it's kinda like Carrows or Fuddruckers or something. Ted always thought it was kinda like Sonic or another fast food joint not in San Diego. Turns out it's a sit down restaurant. Ted really wanted to try it but he kinda gave up meat for Lent so there was no point in going there.

Well, JD decided to chime in on the conversation and asked "I wonder if they serve cow cock? With hot sauce."

Everyone in the car turns around to look at JD with a disgusted face. Why? Why would you even ask that? Why would you want to know that? And if they did serve it, why would you want to try it? Do you want a c()ck in your mouth that bad? Homo. Hahahahahahaha.

Real Stories: I Love The Smell of _______

So it was Ted, Roel, Damon, and JD driving along the mean streets of Diamond Bar. What the hell is there to do in Diamond Bar? There were no people out. EVER. But anyways, back to the story....As the four of them were cruising around, Ted kept letting them rip in the car. And then Roel would joke that it was starting to smell like bleach in the car.

Later on that day, Ted let it rip again in the car and JD says "Mmmm, it smells like bleach. My favorite scent!" And everyone proceeds to laugh uncontrollably. Then after about 3 seconds, Ted had an epiphany. So the rationale goes like this: Ted farted and it smells like bleach because sperm smells like bleach therefore insinuating that Ted was bufu'd and creampie'd in the bootyhole. So when Ted let one rip and JD said it smelled like his favorite scent, he was basically implying to the entire carload that he loves the smell of sperm. Wow! Double edged sword.....or should I say, double headed dild. Homo. Hahahahaha.