Crazy Mashup/Remix

I just heard this mix of two songs I thought I would never hear mixed together. It just blew my mind. SERIOUSLY. Hahahahaha.

Hundred Percent

Always at a Hundred. Anything less would by uncivilized.

Numchucks Master?

I found this clip of Bruce Lee playing ping pong? WTF? Hahahahaha. Being an avid ping pong player and math/physics connoisseur, I know the trajectory of the ball will not travel the way it does in this video. Nonetheless, it was awesome.

Phrase of the Day: Dutch Rudder

First and foremost the term is DUTCH RUDDER! not Dutch Rider. Makes sense if you think of what a rudder does. right?

Dutch Rudder [duhch ruhd-er]
-noun
1. Having someone complete the act of masturbation by pulling up and down on the forearm, while the male holds his own penis.

2. To grab your penis and have someone else grab your forearm and move it up and down, like he's steering the dick boat into orgasm harbor.

3. When a guy jerks another guy off by moving the guy's arm while he technically does the grab holding. A move created so guys can jerk each other off without feeling gay.
I'm no homo! I only gave him a dutch rudder, it's not like I touched his dick.

not to be confused with a Dutch Oven

What can I say? "I Love the Movies"

Its been a while since I've seen good flick that made me laugh. So last Sunday Bryan, Roel and I go to the movies and watch a little film called Zack & Miri make a Porno. I have to say that its worth seeing and I wouldnt mind seeing it again.

With all the dirty banter kinda reminds me of how we all talk...haha...If your hella dirty you'll understand the witty jokes and dirty humor. Not only will the movie make you laugh, it also has the proper taste of female nudity. Got have that for any good movie....TITS...haha That will make or break a movie for me.

Probably the best thing I remember about this movie is the new term "The Dutch Rider" & "The Double Dutch Rider" ahaha.... I wont even try to explain it cuz it might ruin the movie for you plus I dont know how to word this properly. Maybe Roel should do the definition for this since he is more eloquent when it comes to these things.

Go watch this movie. Shit I'll watch it agian like Dark Knight 3X....hahaha what can I say? "I love the movies"

Terminology 101: Chesticles

Term: Chesticles
Pronunciation: \ˈches-ti-kəls\
Function: noun
Etymology: slang
Date: 21st century

1: the male pectoral muscles
I went to the gym last night to work out my "chesticles" but there was so many damn people benching.

FLASHBACK: BACK IN THE DAYS GAME 12.23.07

I just got home right now and oh my! do I have an interesting FR, I was outside the smoking section of the club and these 2 asian girls tall6 and short6 (they were not even that hot, they were 6) tried to open me by saying " where is your girlfriend?" And I turn to them and say "she's at home" just to see how they would react, and sure enough, they turn to face eachother and replied "see, i told you he had a GF, " and started to giggle....and so I responded by saying, "where is your boyfriend?" and tall6 says "I dont have one, I have a GF" and short6 interrupts " yeah I'm her GF" and I looked at tall6 straight in the eye and said "you can do better"....and they immediately got offended! and they started bitchin at me and cursing at me, lol!...

I felt somewhat shitty for putting them down, however I didnt appreciate the fact that they had a lame ass opener, and tried to make me look like an idiot when they started to giggle.

Set 2 HB7 waitress

she was using proximity on me all night and I noticed she was dancing with a girl and guy happily! so she stands next to me after dancing and I open her, we start talkin and she ask me what I do, and my drunk ass said " I stamp FEDEX boxes and make sure they get to where they are supposed to go" ....that was so fucking lame! I just DLV'd myself! and all because of what.?!? stupid alcohol! dont make the same mistake as I did! GAME SOBER!

5 Keys to Increasing Attraction in Your Relationships by Don Diego Garcia

Attraction Key #1: YOUR SMILE A great smile emits from your eyes, not your mouth. Theshowing of teeth with dead looking eyes would be more of a grimace than a smile. I'll never forget one time Iwas in Los Angeles and learned why they call it TinselTown. My waitress smiled at me, but her eyes were a vacant haze. It was forced. She was surely not thinkingtruly pleasant thoughts. Tinsel may be pretty at first,but it is inauthentic, and easily detectable as fake. Take the time to build a pleasant state of mind required to transmit warm, sincere smiles.

Attraction Key #2: YOUR LAUGH Laughter is the release of emotional tension. It's a great way to manage the emotional ups and downs that sometimes occur in life. If you and a girl are laughingtogether, you will be much more likely to want to see each other again. Generate laughter by saying and doingfunny things. You can fine tune your funny bone by listening to professional stand-up comedians. It's fineto enjoy the performance, but you also need to be listening with a new set of ears now. Listen with yourlearning mind to model the comedian's expressions, their word choice, their vocal intonations, their facial expressions and hand gestures.


Attraction Key #3: YOUR BANTER Banter is playful teasing. It's a funny way of making personal jokes with your partner. Banter shows that youare not boring and you are willing to extend outside your comfort zone of politeness. It tests the limits ofpropriety with amusing role play, sometimes even imitating your partner, by exaggerating their mannerisms. Banter is not serious; it injects a mood ofsilly levity into your interaction. If you have a romantic interest in your partner, you can sprinkle your banter with sensual innuendo. If your partner returns your banter with witty quips of her own, this is a good sign, keep the mood light and happy and play along.


Attraction Key #4: YOUR ENTERTAINMENT Who is she going to call when she wants to have fun? Ifyou want it to be you, combine the aspects of smiling,laughing, and banter, then mix in some activities that you can enjoy together. Try to make choices based on your commonalities. Do you like the same kind of music?Go to a concert. Are you both entertained by the same genre of film? See a movie together. Are you both entertained by the same kind of fine arts? Check out anart museum or gallery. Attraction Key #5: YOUR SHARED EXPERIENCES One of the highest levels of attraction is known as thepeak experience. Take her breath away. Find out what her thrill is and enjoy it together. Share a new adventure she has never had before. Give her a ride on the back of your motorcycle. Go parachuting together. Take her surfing, snowboarding, or rollerblading. Master this final attraction key and along with the rest you will surely be able to win her heart, mind, body and soul.

Quote of the Week: Flashback

"Are you from Japan or Hawaii?"

Back in the day when Ted used to work at the roller coaster in Belmont park, he got the same question asked to him on a weekly basis. People would see a big dude with long hair and immediately ask "Are you from Japan or Hawaii?". And Ted's immediate response, while looking them in the eye with the straightest face ever, would be "Yes!" and then proceed to turn away from the person.

A few intelligent people would catch on and ask which one but the majority of people accepted Ted's answer and would maybe continue the conversation by saying "I knew it! I could just tell."

Phrase of the Day: As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم)

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم)
an Arabic spoken greeting used by Muslims as well as non-Muslim Arabic speakers, Christians and Jews. The term Salam in Arabic means "Peace". The greeting may also be transliterated as Assalaamu 'Aleykum. It means "Peace be upon you".

as a sidenote...
Never thought I'd see the day when there would be a black president. Now, there is someone in power that I can relate to. hahaha. The assasination watch is in full effect. Give them hope, then take it away. That's what "they" do.
ZEITGEISTmovie.com

Quote of the Week

Ted and Alonzo were chillin' in the hotel room after the wedding reception and Ted was just blasting all night. In the elevator, in the hallway, in the hotel room, you name it and he blasted there. Well, at the end of the night Ted let out this really long fart, maybe like 3.5 seconds long, and Alonzo turns to Ted and says "Whoa, that actually sounded like something was ripping. Like a piece of cloth or something. Is that why they say 'letting one rip' after they fart?" Hahahahahahaha.

YouTube Video of the Day: Peter Griffin speaking Italian.

This is another reason I want to grow a mustache. The other reason is so I can give free mustache rides.

Best time to improve your game this holloween.

On October 31st you get to be whomever you want. It's your chance to adopt a whole new personality.Embrace it!

Think beyond just wearing a costume, gothe whole nine yards and develop a complete personain your mind about your character. Really go in-depth with the process of developing your suave alter ego. Find your characters mannerisms, quirks,discover his accent, and take the time to flesh outhis back story. Throw your comfort zone out the window, because tonight, you aren't you. This is your chance to experiment, to do things you'd never do and wear items you'd never wear. Eyeliner, a bold hat, tighter pants, and flashier shoes are all itemsthat your character would wear on a daily basis.

When approaching, imagine how your character would act...he doesn't have any of your limiting beliefs.Don't just dress as Zorro, become Zorro; embody hisconfidence and his competence. Know that you (Zorro) can say and do anything. Practice and internalize what that feels like, so you can recallthose feelings again when you go out and meet a sexy new friend. After Halloween is over, put away the costume, but hold on to the attitude and confidence of your fun,alter ego. Be bold, and remember how your characteracted. Then, throughout the holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's celebrations, when you are in the field and you have a tinge of approach anxiety or can't imagine going for the kiss close, think to yourself "Well, what would my Halloween personality have done!" anddo it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Girl-Friendly Costume" Recommendations
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Here is a quick list of costumes that fit perfectlythe advice found in this week's Weekend Wingman:

+ The roguish, never-takes-no-for-an-answer, pirate. Ladies love pirates!

+ 80's glam or hair metal rock star. Rock stars always attract tons of women!

+ And an ultra-male, slightly cocky, super hero. Bealpha, protect her from harm.

+ A giant teddy bear. The perfect costume to maximize your hugabilty rating.

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: The Wing Rules

Guys always talk about being a wing man or designating wings but how many of them actually have a structure or rule for it? My guess is not many of us have ever discussed it. Its like we have unspoken rules when you "wing" for your friends.

Well today I'm going to discuss some proper "Wing Man" Rules. These rules apply to both the WING and The Lead. It may differ from each set of friends you have, but the same model should always be used. Keep these in mind when ever you run game.

Wing Man Rules

1. Whoever see's the group and opens it up, gets first dibs on the target. This is were the "wing man" role is established.

2. The sole purpose of the wing is to help their lead get the target. Don't get distracted by all the other targets in the group. Your there for support. This takes priority above all else. If you find a target you like thats cool, but thats not why your there. Your there to help. Oh did I mention your there to HELP!! Dont forget!!! Most wings forget this once they see a target.

3. Never ever steal the target. Most of the time you will know who the target is because the lead will be ignoring or throwing negs at them. This would be easy for you to come in and give the girl some love, but dont!!! Dont be a douche. Remember why your there!

4. The Wing should run distraction on the group. This is to ensure the lead can get some alone time with the target. Do what you can to occupy the group until the lead has gotten what he needs.

5. Always agree with your Wing/Lead. Never take the girls side. Your wing/lead is always right. Dont lower your value and theirs.

6. Your wings feelings/values are important to you. This is a must. Your wings values/feelings are more important to you, more so than the girl. Always acknowledge and introduce your wing properly(proper introductions). Dont ever disrespect or make your wing/lead look bad. This will lower your value to the group!! Your suppose to help build each other up!!

7. Never Leave anyone Behind! A golden rule that applies to every situation in the nightlife. Don't leave anyone behind is even used in the military. Know when to bail out of a situation when it starts to go sour. Dont let your pride get into your judgement. Know when to leave and make sure you leave with EVERYONE!

Those are some of the basics for Winging. If you have anymore suggestions that need to be added to the list then please feel free to add. Do Work!!!

FunnyOrDie! Video of the Day: "Don't" PSA

This will only make sense if you've seen the "Don't Vote" PSA.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

HOW TO SHUTDOWN A GIRL ASKING YOU TO BUY HER A DRINK.

Another night in downtown! to make a long story short, we were at club "under" and after a couple of hours socializing with a bunch of drunk people, this girl wearing a leopard dress turns to me and ask me "how bout you buy me a drink?".. So I turn to her, looked at her straight in the eye and asked her "Do you know what a sucka is?".."Yes" she replies. "Do I look like one to you?"...after I said that she pushes me away and went to look for another idiot which eventually she finds.

the look in her face was priceless!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Ewwww, Don't eat that!!!

So, I was up in Vegas the past couple of days just chilling and celebrating my dads B-day. I drove up all the way up there right after the Chargers game Sunday night and didnt get there til about 230am. Checked in to the Rio hotel and went to town at the casino. By the time I looked at my clock it was 11am. So I was pretty much awake for 28+ hours. My pops wanted to go visit some family friends that live in North Vegas so we headed off. By this time I was dead tired and by the time we got to their house I got in said, "Hi." and then went straight to sleep on their couch. I woke up cause somebody came in and turned on the T.V. It was our family friends'little daughter and she was about 12 years old. She turns to look @ me, I guess to see if she had woken me up. So, I pretended to still be sleeping. So she turns back to the T.V. and starts digging for gold AKA picking her nose. Now, there's nothing wrong with picking your nose. Cause to be honest sometimes you just gotta go to town and get that shit out. But what followed made me cringe in disgust. She picked, found gold and then proceded to put said gold in her mouth?!? Not once, not twice, not three times but so many times that I could not count!!! After this display of grossness she turns to get a look out on me, and see if i had witnessed this atrocity. As she turned, I again pretended to be asleep and in turn pretended that I had not seen what had happened. Now! I ask, why is it that she's the one eating the boogers and yet I'm the one having to hide and I'm the one feeling awkward and having an awkward moment of the day?!? hahahaha

Kris Dielman...

... knows how to Shock 'Em!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Gameday Edition....AGAIN!!!!!

Once again, I will explain how a high-5 works. One person stick their hand in the air with an open palm while the other person does the same. The hands make a swift motion coming together to meet and it makes a slap sound. And that's it. High-5 over. Done.

Yesterday at the game, after the Chargers scored their first touchdown Ted, Damon, and Roel all celebrated giving high-5's to each other. So the guy standing next to Ted has no one to give a high-5 to so he taps on Ted's shoulder calling for the high-5. Ted reluctantly gives the guy a high-5 and what does he do? He hits Ted's palm and decides to clasp his fingers around Ted's hand after the open palm slap. That's not how a high-5 works.

And also after the game some random drunk dude decided to give Wilfredo a hug from behind and talk about how epic of a win that was. So Ted and Damon see this and start to book so that guy wouldn't approach them. But the guy was quick and eventually caught up to Ted and tried to hug him but Ted maneuvered his way out of it and just ended up giving him a fist pound. Man love DENIED!!!!

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Throwing out the Opener

This is a very crucial moment when your out and about. The first thing you say could make or break you? You dont want to fuck up by saying the same lame ass shit as every other person does while there out.

Opener usually a is typically question that requires more than a yes or no response. The object to is get the target to keep chatting with you so you can start a conversation. Raul has alot of these. He is textbook when it comes to these questions like:

1. Ay..who has more fun blondes or brunette?
2. I was wondering if you could help me figure something out. Me and a buddy of mine are trying to name all the 5 major oceans in the world. I can only name 4, do you know them?
3. My friend has been going out with a girl for about three months and they get along really well, they love each other heaps, but her cat hates him. Like whenever he tries to pet it, it will just look at him like he's an idiot and walk off and one time he left his shoes by the door and it pissed on them. What do you think he should do? ...
4. Hey guys, quick question...Who lies more...men or women?
5. This one is my favorate and actually is kinda witty:

You: Did you know that 93% of girls masturbate in the shower?
Her: No
You: The other 7% sing
Her: Oh yeah?
You: And do you know what they sing?
Her: No, what?
You: Oh you must be one of the girls that masturbates then.
Her: HAHAHA


Those are some of the random openers you can find online. Just go ahead and google them.

Or you can do tricks or gimmicks to open.

The lint ball on her clothes

You have to actually have some lint in your pocket. You see a girl. Take the lint out and hide it in the middle of your fingers. Approach the girl and pretend your taking off her clothing. Usually they'll say thanks. When they do. You hit em with a neg(discuss that later on). This opens up conversation because you just did something beneficial for them.

Be creative! Dont be a loser by saying the usual "whats going on? Hows your night?" Boring shit like that. Be interesting and fun. They love that.

First impressions count! A LOT!!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Celebrity Edition

So last night at Aubergines, there was billed to be some Celebrity Guest. Well, it turns out that it was Shia LeBouf, of Transformers fame. But anyways, before the event got crackin' Ted was chillin' in the front part/smoking section of Aubergines scopin' out the crowd. When Ted realized that there's nothin' good out there, he decided to head back inside. As he passed in between a crowd of people talking, one of the dudes wearing a scrubby ass blue Dodgers sweater decided to spit to his side without looking. It flew about 3 inches away Ted's torso before partially hitting someone else.

Ted: "Whoooaa whoa wh-whoa...." (immediately looks at the guy)

Guy: (Doesn't say a word but pats Ted on the shoulder)

Ted: (Walks through and pats him on the shoulder as well)

The guy who spit was Shia LeBouf.

Hahahahahaha.

In N Out

In-n-Outʼs 60th Year Anniversary is Wednesday, October 22nd. All hamburgers will be sold for 25 cents, Cheeseburgers 30 cents, Fries 15 cents, and drinks are 10 cents!!! So mark your calendars!

Quote of the Week

"He's not as heavy as he looks!" - 'Ray', after lifting 'Ted' to do a kegstand.

So the guys were egging "Ted" to do a kegstand this weekend. Ted has never done a kegstand in his life for 2 reasons. 1) he's pretty damn heavy 2) he doesn't drink that much. But things were feeling good so Ted decided to go and do it. And then "Ray" starts to stretch and everyone's all wondering why he's stretching. It ain't no easy task to carry Ted. But it turned out easier than expected. Hahahaha.

YouTube Video of the Day: Train Like LT w/Kimbo Slice

This is some of the funniest shit. Never thought I'd see LaDanian Tomlinson and Kimbo together. HAHAHA. Check it out on YouTube. There's a whole series of Videos.

and another

Top Ten List: Hottest Chicks right now.

I did this same list a couple of months back and I wanted to revise. The only thing is that I'm gonna break it down to 5. I know, I know, it says Top Ten List. But Fuck it! It's my list and I'll do what I want. Ok. Enough talk. On with the show.

5. Jessica Alba

I had to bump her down the list. I hate to say it but I think Jessica Alba has passed her prime. It's kinda like watching Michael Jordan playing for the Washington Wizards. You know it's him but something was just not right. Same thing applies for Ms. Alba. Especially after she got knocked up. There's a certain kinda fantasy that's ruined after knowing a chick's been impregnated. On the bright side of things (and the only reason she's still on the list), at least you know she's down to fuck. BUT more importantly now you know she's down to let a mother-fucker cum inside of her.


4. Arianny Celeste

You may not know who this chick is, if you dont watch the UFC. But since I do... here she is. She is one of the ring girls that walks around in between rounds. The weird thing about this chick is everytime I see her on TV she looks hotter than the last time.



3. Kristen Bell

She's on one of my favorite TV shows right now. Heroes. She's also in one of my favorite movies right now. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And to be honest... I am a man of extremes. I either want a chick that's super tall with long ass legs to wrap around my head. Or, I want a hot, petite, bangin-ass, firecracker of chick wrapped up in a little package. One or the other. No in betweens.


2. Marisa Miller

Yes, Marisa Miller moves up a spot. You gotta love a petite blond chick with a huge rack! Might I add that they are real!! She was a Perfect10 model. So, that means that they have to be real. Oh, and here's the one picture that made me buy an Ipod. HaHaHa


1. Megan Fox
#1 has not changed. For good reason. Nothing more I can explain that the pictures don't.




The only knock on this chick is that she's dating Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame. WEAK!

Honorable Mention: To be quite honest I'm just gonna say it cause no one else will. I'm creating a Hottest politician category and the winner is.....
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.

Governor Sarah Palin.


Ok. There's the list. Hope you enjoyed. feel free to comment or post your list/s. Cause we all know that this list and all others like it are subjective and everyone has their own personal likes/dislikes and their own personal taste. The only difference is that my taste is better than yours!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

Check this out!

WOW. MEGAN. WOW.

Updates: Aubergines 09.27.08 pix posted

Peep the Dub Show pre-party pix from Aubergines HERE

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Having the right type of Energy

Having the right type of energy level can make or break you when you are talking to people in the nightlife. For example, if you walk up to a group of people who are smiling and having a good time, you must either come in with an energy level just the same as them or slightly above theirs.

You come in with the same energy level because you want to stay congruent with that group. This way its easier for you to talk to them and break them down. Coming in with a slightly higher energy level than them conveys that your having a little more fun but not too much fun that you look like a drunken crazy fool. If you go in with an energy level way too high, they might get freaked out and think your on BLOW or something else.

You definately dont want to come into a group with a lower energy level than theirs because you will be a buzz kill. The group will not appreciate it at all. It will be totally awkward. Never place yourself in this predicament, ever.

Be the person with the higher social value. You can go either or, but for me I always try to come in with a slightly higher energy level. You must be careful with this because you will have to sell to them WHY your so energized. Be prepared to have a lively conversation and keep it up!

Do work!

Burrito Quest 4 and 5: Diablo Shrimp Burrito and Texan Burrito

For Quest 4, my brother, "Wilfredo", suggested we go to Cotija's Mexican Food. Before going, I quickly YELPed the place to see what yelpers recommended. The general consensus claimed the Diablo Shrimp Burrito as the burrito to try. For those of you who don't know, the Spanish word "diablo" translates into "devil." The devil is usually depicted living in hell, and hell is depicted as a hot ass place. So to feature diablo with a menu item means that that meal is going to be pretty damn hot. I however, enjoy eating hot , spicy-type foods, so this sounded like a good choice.

I've seen maybe 2 or 3 Cotija's around San Diego before, but the one we went to was the one on 3rd Avenue. I am terrible with this area, but I remember it being in front of a Jack in the Box restaurant, if that helps.

Upon arriving, I noticed that under the Cotija's sign, it said "Home of the Shrimp Burrito." If a taco shop is going to point out their specialty meal like that, than that meal better not disappoint. What I also noticed was how Cotija's had an ordering window outside along with eating tables, as well as an ordering desk inside along with dining booths. Most taco shops have one or the other, so I thought that was cool for them to have both.

Browsing the menu, I found the Diablo Shrimp Burrito and ordered that, while my brother Wilfredo ordered a Grande Breakfast Burrito. On a quick note, I took of couple of bites on this Grande Breakfast Burrito, and damn, this burrito had 5-star potential. For sure, it is going on the Quest list. Anyways, my burrito totaled $4.29. Considering that shrimp was the main ingredient here, the price was understandable and fair. The wait took about 10 to 15 minutes, which is long if your waiting for say, a Carne Asada burrito. But again, since it was a shrimp burrito, I let it slide.

Receiving my burrito, the size was fairly average as most, about 6 inches. I took my first bite, and holy crap,
I actually felt like my mouth creamed itself. The ingredients featured shrimp, mexican rice, and a white sauce, with some spices mixed in, all wrapped in a giant tortilla. The shrimp was nice and tender and the rice had the right amount. The cream sauce was what made the burrito. The sauce was white and creamy, but also hot. I remember eating the first half of my burrito, and how it was all hot and spicy. I was already dripping sweat, and my nose was running. I had hot sauce next to me, and yet I barely used it. When I would use it, the burrito would actually taste milder.

The second half of the burrito was where the the hotness disappeared, and it just came out tasting delicious and creamy. I found this to be my favorite part, because I still tasted the spicyness of the first half, adding the right amount of spicyness to the creamy part of the burrito.

I give Cotija's Diablo Shrimp Burrito ✭✭✭✭☆. This burrito was bomb, from the taste of the shrimp, to the creamyness of the sauce. However, a star is deducted because I did not like the way the tastes were separated. Instead, I would have preferred the sauce to be mixed around better, to have the same taste throughout the burrito.



____________________________________________________________________________

For Quest 5, I decided to visit an old favorite of mine, El Aguila Mexican Food. Except I heard that the place has a new name, and possibly a whole new management.

El Aguila was located in South Bay San Diego, at Southland Plaza. It was across the street of the now dead music store, The Warehouse, and right next to Vons. I discovered this place through the afformentioned brother of mine, Wilfredo, as well my cousin Ted, the same one mentioned in past posts. Those main dish Ted and Wilfredo introduced me to was Aguila's Carne Asada Fries. And to this day, I consider those fries to be the best Carne Asada Fries that I have ever tried.

The taco shop that currently resides in El Aguilas' original spot is now named Tacos La Playa. Upon entering, I noticed that the walls were plain looking. When Aguila's existed, the walls were covered with all sorts of Mexican-Indian artifacts and paintings. What was once interesting-looking is now plain, boring, and empty looking.

The burrito menu had all the usuals, but the one that interested me the most was the Texan Burrito. I've tried a Texano Burrito before from Victoria's, so I assumed that this would be the same. The price was $4.69, so I assumed this burrito would be delicious. Upon waiting, we were given appetizers in the form of tortilla chips, which only a few shops actually do. Despite there being only a few tortilla chips, it was still cool to actually get some.

I also got a horchata to accompany my burrito. In case I haven't described it before, Horchata is a rice and cinnamon drink, and pretty much every Mexican taco shop has them. In this instance, the Horchata Tacos La Playa offered was amazing. Some shops can't even mix the 'chata right, when you still have powder collecting on the bottom of the cup. This place mixed it perfectly, and even added a bit more sweetness to their 'chata mixture.

I received my burrito in about 10 minutes. My burrito was about 5-6 inches, and thick. I took my first bite of the Texan Burrito, and all I could feel was disgust. The burrito consisted of bits of chicken, french fries, and cream, all inside a tortilla. However, each ingredient was cooked poorly. I was expecting to get shredded bits of chicken, but I instead got dry, little square bits of chicken. The french fries were not cooked long enough, as it was still too mushy inside. The sauce inside the burrito had no flavor. I even tried drenching my burrito in hot sauce, but that couldn't even make this burrito enjoyable. I ate more than halfway, thinking the Texan Burrito would eventually get better, but it didn't. I ended up tossing it even though it still had a couple of bites left in it.

For the first time in my Quest, and possibly in my whole life, I give Tacos La Playa's Texan Burrito ✭☆☆☆☆. If you enjoy eating shitty burritos, then the Texan Burrito is definitely for you!

Picture of the Week

Hey Ted & Raul, remember this Crazy idea for an 18+ Event....hahaha...who doesnt love NBA JAM? "He's on FIRE"

Terminology 101: Alabama Hot Pocket

[al-uh-bam-uh hawt pok-it]

-adjective, -noun
1. the art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)

Shanya decided her vagina needed some lube so her boyfriend performed an alabama hot pocket

2. A sexual procedure in which a male and female couple partake. The first step is for the male to defecate in the female's vagina, next the couple join together in sexual intercourse. A close relative of the Cleavland Steamer.

Don't make the same mistake as your father. When you go to Montgomery don't buy $20 hookers. They have fallen victim to the Alabama Hot Pocket.

I BET THAT INTERCEPTION IN THE FIRST 4 MINUTES SCARED THE HELL OUT OF YOU CHARGERS FANS.

WELL JUST LIKE THE GOVERNOR SAID. "GOOO CHAAJERS!!"

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: The Proper Introduction

So I've already talked about doing introductions in general, now lets discuss on how to do "The Proper Introduction".

I'm so huge about this! I cant stress how important introductions are. People have a hard time in general just doing introductions, trust me, my friends still struggle in this area...haha

"The Proper Introduction" is an art. I say this because the person doing the proper introduction has to come up with relavant information to relay to the other party. Here is an example of of the regular introduction vs "The Proper Introduction"

"Hey Jim this is my homeboy Jeff. Jeff meet Jim"

"Hey Jim, this is my homeboy Jeff. I've know this guys since High School and one of the funniest people I've ever known. Jeff this is Jim, this guy is a die hard Chargers fan and he'll talk shit too anyone thats not a Charger fan. Real talk"

Which introduction was better? If you picked the first one then your a FOOL! The second one conveys so much more. It gives more insight to the new people being introduced to each other. Its so much easier for people to talk when you give them a little information. YOU HAVE TO BUILD YOUR PERSON UP!!!! The whole point of doing a proper introduction is make the other person look good and have a personality.

This works especially well when you have a wing man with you. You must be able to introduce your wing man properly. Its a must when your hitting on groups of women. And if your the wing man, once your lead properly introduces you, you must come back with a proper intro about your lead as well. Help each other out. This gives you a better chance to succeed with that group. Say something interesting about each other. This will spark conversations.

"The Proper Introduction" can be used in any situation especially in business. This is a great networking tool. People will appreciate it. It shows that you actually know something about them which they will interpret as you being a genuine and knowledgeable friend/associate. With the type of work we do in the nightlife, the "Proper Introduction" is a must!!!!! I know for a fact thats why I've had good successfull relationships with people in the industy. When I introduce people to promoters etc, you will always here me say "this is Jomar from Force Productions, he is the man to know in downtown. This guys can get you in anywhere!" I know people appreciate that when I do introductions like that because usually other people introduce them as "oh this is Jomar. He's a promoter for Force Productions" Thats so boring and lame. No shit his a promoter, but what else? Act like you care people. They will appreciate it more. Hopefully you get the idea here. I mean especially if there one of your friends, you should want to do these "Proper Introductions" Do you not know enough info about your friend...cmon. If you have to, make it up.

Go crazy if you want. When you do a proper introduction make up some crazy story about the other person your introducing and see how they react. Ask Raul and Roel about that. They've been part of this game many of times...hahahah. Its funny as hell. Just make sure you tell the participants ahead of time that your going to do proper introductions and they have to roll with what ever it is you say about them or you dont have to tell them at all too..LOL. Its a pretty fun game! Try it.

But on a serious note, learn "The Proper Introduction" Build your friend up to strangers. This is a skill that is necessary to master. You cant and you wont be a successful socialite if you cant master doing introductions in general but let alone doing "Proper Introductions".

Do work and do "Proper Introductions"....Ya feel me?!!!

YouTube Video of the day

Super Mario Rescues the Princess from Seth McFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy.

Stars Of The Week: Daisy Marie and Miko Sinz

After a month-long hiatus, the Star Of The Week is back with a special two-star episode. The first star goes to none other than the gorgeous Daisy Marie. Daisy was born on February 6, 1984 in Los Angeles, California, but grew up in Salem, Oregon, while also spending time in Zacatecas, Mexico. She entered the adult industry in 2002, and has since then performed in over 200 movies. Daisy was a finalist in the second season of Playboy TV's reality competition show, Jenna's American Sex Star, and also appeared in 50 Cent's music video for "Disco Inferno." She recently underwent a breast augmentation earlier this year, increasing her breast size from 36B's to 34D's. On an interesting note, Daisy Marie is 1 quarter Filipino, and 3 Quarters Mexican. She stands at 5 ft. 4, and measures at 34B-24-34.

The second spotlight shines on the Korean-Irish mixed glamour model, Miko Sinz. Born October 5, 1984, Miko entered the business in June of 2006. Since then, she's only done less than 25 hardcore scenes, focusing mainly on her modeling career. Miko currently resides in Studio City, California. She stands at 5'5, and measures at 32B-24-33.

Barry Takes the Gold on Saturday Night!!!

So the night started of with a bunch of us heading out to the first of many clubs for the night. The first club that we hit up was fun, especially for me since I got to dance with a big booty girl, I'm pretty sure it was fun for Ted as well, as he danced with the big booty girl as well. But before all of that, we were'nt even in the club yet when I noticed that our boy Barry was straight up " Fayyydid", which always ends up with some funny story or stories, no, no, let's call them adventures.

"The adventures of Barry Amsterdam." Well, for this night after heading to the first club we headed onto the next club of the several that we hit up throughout the night and when we got there Barry had noticed a girl that he had just met on myspace not more than 2 days ago. They say wassup to each other and Barry being in his faded state of mind kisses her first on the side of her head, then moments later there is a kiss on the lips with this girl that he has only known for 2 days, not even in person, but on myspace. Wow, what a pimp some would say... After that some would think that that was pretty much it between the two of them, I thought that would be it, but to my surprise they end up dabbing each others tongues at each other for a good minute or so. When they finish Barry says to her, " Wow, your such a naughty girl!!!" Her response was "I'm a naughty girl in many ways!" They hug and say their goodbyes...Unfortunately, Ted, Roel, and Raul didn't see all of this go down with them being preoccupied, especially Roel with another espisode with the vampire, but that's for another story...And thus ladies and gentlemen to conclude my story is how Barry took the Gold for Saturday night...

DUMBASSNESS JUST LIKE BITCHASSNESS, HAPPENS TO EVERYONE

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Doing Introductions

Oh man this is one of my personal favs. Lots of people do not know how to do this, let alone actually know how to introduce other people in general. There is actually a proper way to introduce people, but thats another topic. This one is just on introducing people

One of my friends "Nathaniel" had no idea about introductions. When I would hang out with this dude he would run into his friends and say whats up but he would never introduce me at all. So I would stand there. Wait and do nothing until one day after we went out I talked to him about it in the car. I told him "damn dude you cant introduce for shit!! Its kinda rude! Everytime you meet up with one of your friends, I'm going to sock you in the back or kick you in the shins. Thats the signal to introduce me." He said "my bad I didn't even think about that, but ok"

So the next week we roll out and sure as shit we run into his friends. While he is talking, I already knew this dude forgot so I punch him in the back and he looks at me. He pauses and then he's like "oh hey this is my homeboy Berry" After his friends walk away we start laughing because I actually had to punch him in the back. He said it took him by surprised but he remembered. The night rolls on and we run into more of his friends. I'm waiting but once agian this dude forgets. So I kick him in the shins and he screams out "OW" while chatting to his homegirls. They look at him all funny. He looks at me and I'm giggling like a school girls cuz I kicked the shit out of him(note I was a little intoxicated) He introduces me and I go to work.

This shit continues for weeks. I would alternate from punching to kicking to even pinching until he finally got it. Now he introduces all the time. Now when someone doesnt introduce him, it bugs him. Ahaha.

Its actually quite rude when you dont introduce people to people you run into. So the next time your out with your peeps and you run into your other peeps. Do the right thing and introduce them to each other. If you need help in that area, I can. Ask Nathaniel & Raul.

Back to Basics

I've almost forgotten how fun things can be in the nightlife. This past week has re-energized me. I remember this is how it use to be when I first started doing this. Business in the beginning of the night and fun afterwards. Lately maybe since April I've lost that sense. Why?

Well now its back to basics. We are solid in the industry and now moving forward with other actions. Its time to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Not literally of course...haha...Let the madness begin!!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!

Updates: Belo/Decos/Aubergines/Stingaree pix posted

Pix from last night can be found HERE.

Updates: Ed Hardy Fashion Show? Pix posted

You can find the pix from this past Thursday @ Belo HERE. I also posted the pix from last Friday @ Belo HERE.

Awkward Moment of the Day, Week, Month, Year, Decade, Century, Millenium, etc.

***DISCLAIMER***
The contents of this story may or may not have happened the way it is written here. But it did happen. Peoples names have been disguised (to the best of my ability) to protect their identities


Flashback to last weekend. We were @ the Club "On Top" doing our business. When I say we I am referring to myself, "Ted", "Barry", "Raul" and the newest addition to the team "bRyan". It was an uneventful night. Mainly because my liver was acting like a bitch and so, I decided not to drink that night. I went to the bar to get some water and saw a familiar face there. It was "Robin!". After saying what's up to him HE did something he has never done before and he bought me a drink. This led me to believe that he was pretty drunk at that time. Although I was trying not to drink (thanks to my livers BitchAssNess) I couldn't say no to a free drink. After that I went about my night normally, until I ran into "Robin!" again. He was walking by me in a big crowd of people, so I decided to mess with him. He was wearing one of the sponsors T-shirts for the event and so was everyone else working at the club. Bouncers, bartenders, waitresses, busboys, bathroom attendants, etc. So it looked like he worked there. This is how the conversation went...

Me: Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is, sir. Cause by looking at your t-shirt I can tell you work here.

Robin!: HAHAHA (sarcastically). OK. its down that hallway, to the left, up the stairs, around the corner and come back down (To which he gestured with his hands and attempted to stick a few fingers IN MY BOOTYHOLE!!!)

Me: (I quickly slapped his arms away and yelled out) WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MAN!!!

Robin!: (as he walks away in the crowd of people sticking out his middle finger) FUCK YOU MAN!!! FUCK YOU!!!


NOW! You're probably thinking, c'mon man he was drunk and he was messing around. Stop being so homophobic. BUT FUCK THAT!!! I've been drunk before. Shit! I've been shit-housed, Tucker Max, Hurricane Ernie Drunk on numerous occasions (I'm pretty sure that all you reading this can attest to that) and I don't know about you, but I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER attempted to finger another man in the bootyhole! It's just absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable behavior. I genuinely felt violated. I can only imagine that's the feeling that women get when they get raped. I know that this might seem like a little much, comparing it to something so severe as rape. But that's how I honestly felt. And like I said previously, "The only person touching my bootyhole is gonna be me. And the only time that's happening is when I'm done taking a shit and I gotta wipe my ass!" I'm trying to end this blog on a good note or with some kind of relevant quip. But I can't. It just ends with the fact that someone tried to penetrate the impenetrable.

As a sidenote: I hate you guys. First off, is it my fault that some obviously gay guy wants to attempt to finger my bootyhole?!? Or that I'm in said fingerers top 10 or whatever?!? It's not my fault that I'm Debonaire, daper and desirable to a plethora of different people. This reminds me of a That 70's Show episode where Fes has a dream that Kelso is giving him a sponge bath. And when Kelso (being the village idiot) finds out about it he says, "You know what Fes' dream means right... It means I'm Gay!!" The only thing is, is that I'm not the village idiot and I can most assuredly say that I'm not gay. Just because someone else is having gay fantasies about me, doesn't mean that I should be clumped into his/her own homosexual agenda. And lastly, Auntie Gia has never questioned my gayness. (I guess I could end the blog with a relevant quip)

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Style vs Fashion

The definition of style states that its a distinctive quality, form, or type of something. This something we are talking about has to do with clothing.

Todays topic we discuss about style vs fashion. We already know what style means so lets examine Fashion: the prevailing style (as in dress) during a particular time (2): a garment in such a style c: social standing or prominence especially as signalized by dress or conduct.

If your out there wearing all the hottest trends in clothing like ed hardy shirts or smet etc..then you are fashionable. Believe me there is nothing wrong with that but the only draw back to that is that your just like all the masses. Your just a very fashionable person.

On the other hand its quite hard/easy to come up with your own style. Take me for example. In high school my thing was to wear sweater vest. I had all sorts of colors from green to red from different brands. That was my style. I was known for that. Now I moved up to dress vests. Thats what everyone usually associates me with when I go out. Thats my style.

I suggest you find a style that your comfortable with. Wear your personality. If your a madd niggerish kind a dude rock some FUBU. That can be your style, the dude that always wears FUBU at the club..haha. Or if your a Lumber Jack and you want people to know it, go ahead and rock Wrangler Jeans and a red checkered flannel. Shit I dont know, but you get the idea right?

Its so important for you to make yourself distinguishable from the everyone but at the same time look debonair. Think about how the mating rituals work in the animal kingdom. Usually the male that has the most colorful skin or most distinctive feature will usually win the females attention ultimately resulting in the horizontal mambo. Well that concept applies with humans too but its a bit more complicated than that.

When your out, the first thing people will judge you on is appearance. You need to stand out. You can be fashionable in this instance, but usually style wins out. People will be able to distinguish you better the next time around. Females take notice to these things. There always watching and sizing you up. Thats why its important for you to look dapper all the time.

Either be Fashionable or have some sort of Style. Either one will do, but I'm slighty baised towards style. Give yourself the best chance you can. Now when you combine style/fashion with some self confidence, now were talking about another ball game. Thats a winning combination. Do work!

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Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Self Confidence

The meaning of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc. This is a must for any of this to even start. This is something that just cant be taught. You must attain this on your own.

Swagger carries you to know bounds. I'm 5'3 but I walk around like I'm 6'0. You know why? Because I can and so can you. The belief that no one can stop you and its going to sound cheezy but, you can do anything you put your mind to.

For some reason people, especially women, can smell a person with self confidence. Dont take this literally that its a cologne or spray that you wear, but its just how a person conducts himself/herself when they walk into a room or wherever. You can tell. Its like they have this aura like Rick James..haha..

You have to believe in yourself and self worth when your out doing this or else...Sure you can learn how to talk like your confident or resonate the same body language as one(thats another Social Skill we'll talk about later on), but people will know when your faking the funk.

Its so important to believe in yourself. If you dont, then why should other people believe in you?

Here is an exercise on building confidence, it might not work or it might. Give it a try:

Self Affirmations
1. Get a piece of paper and a pen
2. Start thinking of characteristic's you have currently or would want..ie like confident, good looking, great smile, handsome, popular, Bitches Love Me(my personal favorite haha) etc...THEY HAVE TO BE POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS...NO NEGATIVE. Try to think of at least 20 or more!!!
3. Write those characteristics down on that sheet of paper...legibly.
4. For the next 45 days you MUST read that list outloud infront of the mirror and say those characteristics...For instance if you wrote on your list that you have a great smile, popular, fun..etc. You would go to the mirror and say this and look at yourself while your saying it"I have a great smile, I'm popular, I'm fun, etc." Do that until you finish going down that list. Do this excersise twice a day for the next 45 days. Heres a better tip. Do it right before you go out of your house and see how you feel.

Studies show that this actually works. Its a scientific fact. Google it if you want. I know because guess what, I've tried it. How this works is purely simple. Your training your mind everyday when you do this exercise. You may not believe that you have all those characteristics, but since you keep repeating them over and over again to yourself, your mind subconsciencely starts to believe it. You keep telling yourself that Bitches Love You and you start actually believing that, then it will manifest.(you might have to actually do work for this, but at least you'll have the right mindset)

Try it out. It may sound silly and absurd, but it never hurts to give it a shot. The only way to fail is to not try. I would rather fail doing something than not try at all. Whats worse? Think about that.

Nightlife/Clubbing Social Skills: Introduction

Since I've been going out a lot for several months with Ted, Roel and Raul I thought I would blog about some social tips or edicate that you should consider while your out clubbing.

These things I write about may or may not apply to everyone but hell its still usefull knowledge you can use while your out or apply it to your everyday life. From my experience I've transitioned mostly everything I've learned "promoting" into everyday social behavior.

Many of the things I write about is an automatic skill/response when I'm on the field. While engaging in many social activities, I've used the skills, knowledge, and experience to make any outing a fun & successfull night.

Trust me...its a process. I know because I went through it and here I am now, still learning and adjusting. Just remember I started in the same position that your are currently in...a regular club go'er. If I can do it, so can you!

Awkward Moment of the Day: Gameday Edition

So it was Ted, Wilfredo, Damon, and Roel all at the Chargers game this past Sunday. After Rivers threw the touchdown pass to Gates a celebration ensued and here's what went down:

Ted slaps a high-5 to Wilfredo and Damon gives a double high-5 to both Ted and Wilfredo at the same time. And then Ted gives Roel a high-5. The random stranger sitting to the left of Ted sees all the high-5's being thrown out and yells to Ted "Give me a high-5!" So in the spirit of the moment Ted gives the guy a high-5.

Let me take a moment here to explain how a high-5 works. One person stick their hand in the air with an open palm while the other person does the same. The hands make a swift motion coming together to meet and it makes a slap sound. And that's it. High-5 over. Done.

Back to the story. Ted gives the guy a high-5. Hand in the air, open palm, meeting his palm. But after the slap, this guy decides to hold on. He gripped Ted's hand, as if they were holding hands. That's not how high-5's work. You don't grip the other person's hand after the slap. That's like a man sticking his finger in another man's booty hole.....but that's another blog. Hahahahaha. Needless to say, Ted never gave the guy another high-5 for the rest of the game.

Holy Crab!

Flashback to a few weeks ago:

So it was just another night with the boy band dressed in all white. Roel loves dressing in white. But Ted loves dressing in black, so he had to wear the black under armour beneath all the white. But yeah, it was another white out party in the club with the only people wearing white being Roel, Barry, Ted, and Raul. Don't you love it when that happens.

Though, I must say that Raul owned the night. He has the absolute best taste in women. His shooting percentage is waaaaay better than Ted's or Roel's. Raul takes about 30-40 layups per night while Ted will probably only attempt 2-3 outside J's for the whole night. Ted barely touches the ball. He waits for an opening and then attacks. Raul, on the other hand is making his own space and driving to the hole with authority. Roel usually posts up in the paint all day waiting for someone to toss him the rock. But once he gets the rock, he kicks it back out with the quickness. Rarely a shot attempt from Roel. He needs to work on his sky hook. Barry is always looking for the alley-oop. He wants to throw down the jam all day everyday. Even in traffic, he's lookin' for the jam.

But anyways, back to Raul. He found the golden ticket. It was the end of the night and the lights were comin' on in the club. Raul sees these two bitches dancing so he joins them. He starts gettin' his groove on and these girls are all about it. Raul, aka Mr. No Shame, is just takin' them to town. And in the midst of all the action, Roel decides to give one the girls a high-5......or should I say high-3. Turns out, one of the girls Raul was dancing with has a crab hand. 2 claws and a thumb!!!!! It was pretty insane.

Ok, lets flashback to 15 minutes before Raul finds the golden ticket. So Ted is dancing with this chick named "Meryl". They're windin' and grindin' up on the floor. And if you just looked Ted in the eyes, you could tell he was at 100%. He had that face of concentration on. And Meryl was all about it. She backin' it up on him and breakin' him off proper. So Meryl did this dance move where she dropped down real low, and Ted was still at 100%. So basically Ted's piece(at 100%, might I add) was jammed into Meryl's upper back. Hahahahaha. So they're dancing some more and the lights come on in the club and then Meryl turns to Ted and says "You know, I had a really good time with you tonight......but I have a boyfriend." I wonder if she knew Ted was at 100%? Hahahahaha. What would prompt a girl to say that to some guy? Ted thinks that she was turned on and that was her way of not feeling bad if something did happen between the two of them that night.

Tag Team Back Again...

...check it, direct it, let's begin.

Did a little photo shoot with my cousins to test out some of my new equipment. It was pretty fun. We did a bunch of stupid shiite like old school wrestling poses.

Updates: Photo links

Check the sidebar for new photo links from this past weekend.

Updates: Paradise Island @ Belo 08.28.08

Pix from Thursday night @ Belo are posted HERE.

2nd place aka 1st place losers

Here's the story:

The 2007 league champs of the Padres Bowling League decided to team up again for the 2008 season. But a couple of the guys had to move so only two of the original members ("Ted" and "Wildredo") were left to carry the torch. The Money Shooters, as they were aptly named, found two more worthy bowlers("Pritchard" and "Boe") as suitable replacements. The new Money Shooters were ready to roll.

On the first day of the season, some people didn't show up so all the teams of 4 had to be split in 2's. Ted teamed up with Pritchard to become Dominatrix Time and Wilfredo teamed up with Boe to be unnamed for the time being. Dominatrix Time got their named banned from the league so they had to change it to The Ball Droppers. And the unnamed team eventually became The Brooklyn Bowlers, in respect to the legend named the Brooklyn Brawler.

The Ball Droppers dominated the league early with extraordinary magnitude while the Brooklyn Bowlers rode their draft. But after a few lackluster performances, The Brooklyn Bowlers took the outside corner for 1st and never looked back.

Even a score of 318 couldn't knock them off the top spot.

It's crazy how the team that got split into 2 ended taking the 1st and 2nd place spots.

Updates: Belo, Red Circle, and Sin pix

Photos from this past Saturday @ Belo, Red Circle, and Sin are up. Peep them HERE.

Terminology 101: Pregret

Pregret [pree-gret]

-verb
1. The feeling of regretting something you're about to do anyway.

Every Friday night, I pregret that I will go to the club. I know I will stand there like an idiot and won't talk enough game to bring anyone home with me.

all definitions taken from the great site www.UrbanDictionary.com.

Updates: Thin and Visions pix

Photos from Thin and Visions from Friday night have been posted HERE.

Terminology 101: Tony Danza

Tony Danza

1. When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out "Who's the boss?" She'll get confused, turn her head around and she will most likely reply, "you are"... at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream, "Tony Danza is the boss, bitch, show the man some respect." A few minutes later, you ask her again and when she says, "Tony Danza", you donkey punch her again and ask her why she is thinking about other men while you two are having sex...

2. You are getting head by some chick and you pull it out, and you cock slap her and you say "who's the boss" and they'll most likely say you are, and than you cock slap them again, and say "NO! Tony Danza's the boss!"

3. you're getting head, and you pull it out for a sec, and you cockslap her.

(you) *cocks slaps* "Who's the boss!?"
(girl) *you are"
(you) *cock slaps her again* "NO! Tony Danza is!"

-all definitions are from the great site http://www.urbandictionary.com/

Updates: Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes pix

Photos from the Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes event have been posted HERE

Terminology 101: Donkey Punch

Donkey Punch [dong-kee puhnch]

-noun
-verb (used with object)
1. Whilst participating in either vaginal or anal 'doggy style' intercourse, during the instant before the male ejaculates, the penis is inserted (or kept) in the female's anus, at which point he delivers a swift punch to the back of the female's cranium. This results in the simultaneous contraction of the anal sphincter and various other muscles in the female, thus producing a tremendous sensation for the male. However, for the technique to render successful, the receiving party must be knocked utterly unconscious.

"I was banging this one night and I donkey punched the bitch so hard she passed out!"
"What happened after that?"
"I fell asleep. What else?"
"Hear hear! Bravo!"

2. The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal sex and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you ofcourse).

I donkey punched Meredith last night, and It was awesome.

3. A sleazy sex move in which while the guy is taking the girl anally he punches her in the back of the head, making her ass or vagina contract.

Kevin donkey punched me. What a fucking sleazebag!

LERYN FRANCO. *drool*

There is a God! if you are tired of oogling Shawn Jhonson of the US gymnastics team(which by means you should not be anyways, ol-girl is jail bait!) Get an eyeful of this hot mama from paraguay! sadly she ranked number 27 in the Javelin throw, in other words, she sucks. However......WHO THE HELL CARES! SHE IS FINE!

(...insert dirty "pole" jokes here....)

Memoirs of An Alcoholic: Getting Grandma in Bed?!?

This is an old blog but a funny one. so enjoy.
From: Wednesday, June 21, 2006

An eventful night.


"Jeremy" gets beligerent (hilarity ensues)

So "Jeremy" called me up last night to go out with him and his homegirls "Rox" and "Eva". I usually like to do my partying from Thurs-Sat just cause I got work on the weekdays and me going into work drunk isnt fun. It was a tuesday but when Jeremy calls, no matter what I'm doing, or the situation, I am always down because he and I normally don't party together. I specifically asked where we were going that night due to my general disdain for a unnamed bar and grill (hah). But go figure, he says we are going to the afformentioned bar and grill. We cruise over to Rox and Eva's house and start the pre-drinking. Rox pulls out a fresh bottle of Hennessy and we begin to take shots. If anyone knows Jeremy they know that he is a novice drinker. So starting with shots of Hennessy for him was probably not the best idea (foreshadowing). After we kill about 1/3 of the bottle we decide to get on our way.

We make it to the bar and grill and amazingly for a Tuesday night it's pretty wild. There was a super long line to get in but the homegirl Rox has some dope hookups so we simply just walk up to the front of the line. She hugs one of the bouncers and talks with him for a bit and then points out all of us who are in her party. I gotta admit, it was kinda cool walking up to the front of the line and getting in for free. Whilst all the douche bags and ugly girls were waiting in line like a bunch of saps.

We get in and immediatly go to the bar. This is the kind of place that you have to be drunk in order to enjoy yourself. So, to get the party started quicker I order up 4 Long Islands, 2 were for me and the other 2 were for Jeremy. I chug one and decide to take a look around the dance floor for bitches. To my amazement I see a platinum blond white girl with large breasts and a good body dancing alone but with some of her girlfriends. Upon closer examination, I realize that she looks real familiar. Some guy standing next to me says the same thing and adds, "She's a Playboy model." I started to recognize and remember her and realized it was Hugh Hefner's girlfriend, Kendra. Have you ever seen that show about Hugh Hefner and his 3 girlfriends? I think it's on channel 49. Well the only reason I remember this chick is cause she is a San Diego Charger fan and a super hot one at that. So after a few minutes of eye fucking the shit out of her we get more drinks. At this point Jeremy being the novice drinker he is, is stumbling around already. I immediatly realize that he is going to get so shit-faced tonight and that I need to "Lock it up". Rox intorduces us to a few of her friends, whose names I cant seem to recall and we begin dancing. It was weird cause it was Jeremy and myself dancing with 4 girls and the dance floor was somewhat empty. All the douche bag saps stood around on the wall watching us in envy. After that the night went on pretty uneventful sorta like this dancing, bar, dancing, bar, bathroom, dancing, bar.

Here's the cool part of the story. So I come back from a bathroom trip to see Jeremy dancing with the 4 girls while some short black dude trys to get in on the action. I walk up and look at the situation and I basically jump in on the action in front of the short black dude and after almost cock blocking him I realize that its DARREN SPROLES from the San Diego Chargers. HAHAHAHA So I started talking to him and we were just shooting the shit. Pretty cool guy but really short. HAHA I asked him who he was with and he points over to a tall light skinned black dude. I look over and see VINCENT JACKSON dancing with some ugly white chick. Which was wierd cause hes a goddamn professional athelete and can probably pull in better pussy than that. But whatever, we were watching Jeremy freaking 2 chicks to the ground and I remember having a drunken conversation with Darren Sproles it went something like this:

"Roel": Yo, I know who you are man. But I wont tell everyone.

Sproles: Aight, cool.(laughs)

Roel: You gonna dance with some bitches.

Sproles: (points over to Jeremy freaking 2 girls) Yeah thats looking cool.

Roel: Just point out any of the bitches in here and I'll get her for you.

Sproles: Aight man cool (laughs then walks over to some bitches.)

So after that interesting conversation the club is about to close and Jeremy is shit-housed drunk. Apparently, the few times that he and I weren't together he was on a drunken rampage. Taking shots with some girls he knew from way back in high school and drnking way more than his tolerance level could handle. We walk outside and Jeremy can barely walk upright. So I basically have to hold him up as we walk towards the car. There was cops everywhere and he was acting beligerent. So I basically had to walk side by side with him holding him up so he wouldnt a) fall on his face. b) go on a beligerent spree and do something stupid to get arrested. As we walk to the car he sees some people looking at him in his drunken state.

Jeremy says, "FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! Dont you know who I am? I'm JEREMY FUCKING BLANKS!"

He repeats this to anyone and everyone within the general vicinity of us. At this point I'm coherent but somewhat drunk. and as I look around the parking lot I realize that I can't find the car. For some reason I was looking in the wrong parking lot hahaha. So I am looking around and all of a sudden I think to myself...where the fuck is Jeremy? I look around and I can't see him. So as I frantically look around for his beligerent ass I see someone whos just flat out laying on the ground. Low and behold it's Jeremy. Passed out on the sidewalk next to the parking lot. I rush over and scrape him off of the floor and then BINGO I see Rox's ride.

We went back to Rox's house to get some cup-of-noodles and to kick it for a bit. While rox makes us some cup-o-noodles Jeremy takes this time to make an ass of himself. He says that he has to use the bathroom and then disappears. I look down the hallway and see him walking into Rox's room. I tell Rox that Jeremy is walking into her room probably looking for somewhere to pass out. Normally this wouldnt be a problem but Rox tells me that her grandma was inside there sleeping. I run over to the room to stop Jeremy but to no avail. He had jumped onto the bed and passed out in no time flat. I look around for Rox's grandma and she had just walked out of the bathroom. The look of shock on her face was priceless. Some random guy jumps onto her bed while shes in the bathroom and she walks out and immediatly sees him passed out on the bed. HAHAHAHA I could only imagine what that poor old woman was thinking. After that Jeremy defiled Rox's kitchen sink with his explosion of vomit. Even after I explicitly told him to use the bathroom as his vomit catcher. After that I think Rox had had enough of drunk Jeremy so I took it upon myself to whisk that bastard out of there.

Jeremy was so drunk that I took his keys and brought it upon myself to drive us home. Mainly cause I wanted to drive his car. Let me tell you something he has a phat ride. A convertible two seater benzo. I took that fucker for a fucking joy ride. Just imagine that its 3am and some douche bag is driving with the top down going about 120mph, bumpin some lil jon, with some guy passed out next to him. Thank god there were no cops out. I drive home and usher Jeremy into the extra bed in my house and he immediatly passes out.

I wake up in the morning to the sounds of either a)someone taking a o-ring busting dump or b) someone vomiting the whole contents of their stomach. Needless to say the answer is B. As I write this Jeremy is right behind me passed out. Only waking for his short trip to the bathroom to throw-up and then passing out again.

All in all it was a fun night. Saw hot playboy girl, met short football player and took pictures as my friend was laying on the sidewalk passed out in PB. If you are reading this "Jeremy" yes there are pictures. MUHAHAHAHahahHAHAhAHAhHAhAAAAAaaaA

(Names have been changed to protect the privacy of all those poor saps involved....HAHAHAHAH)

THE END.....MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!

SPA: Things To Buy part 2

Taken from Gizmodo and Brando


Forget those naff spy pens: This spy camera watch from Brando may actually be a decent spying gizmo. For example... can you see the camera in the photo of it? It's in the whorl of the numeral 2, and the watch is pretty convincing. It only shoots 352 x 288 pixel AVIs, but it does carry 2GB aboard, so that should be good for a whole bunch of sneaky vids, and its rechargeable batteries get juice from a USB connection. Just cover up that USB port with a sticker or plug of some kind so it's less obvious, and spy away. Presumably it also tells the time, but that's curiously not mentioned on Brando's web page. Yours for $236.